Posted August 8, 2010

The 5-Step Guide to Becomming Awesomer

Our society is at a crossroads, and we are constantly deciding to walk down into the valley of the lame rather than climb to the top of the mountain, simply because it’s the easiest choice. We strive to “fit in,” and to be average. News Flash, people, “AVERAGE” is in a state of distress. The “average” North American is obese (not just overweight, OBESE), carrying a huge amount of personal debt, sexually incompetent (look at the popularity of Viagra and Cialis), uneducated (University acceptances are down as more and more immigrant students are applying and being accepted), unmotivated and unwilling to change. We have become a society that blames others for our faults or mistakes (failed an exam? The course was too hard, or the prof didn’t give enough material, or Nick at Night was on and it was really, really good last night. Too fat? It’s genetics, there’s nothing I can do about it, and there’s probably no reason to quit eating my KFC Double Downs, as the genetics is what makes me fat. Thanks mom and dad).

The downside with average is, as pack animals, we tend to want to fit in to the pack and be accepted as equals, so if a few of the pack start eating crap like this and sitting on their butts blaming their genetics, we will likely join in and become”average”. Try to order a salad in front of the pack and they will invariably say “What, you’re not man enough to order this pile of flesh and grease like me?” At which point we just have to cave in and do it, because otherwise we aren’t men.
Huh?
So today, boys and girls, children of all ages, I will offer the 5-step plan to becoming less average, less useless, and more awesomer than you could ever imagine.
STEP 1: Shut Up
You heard right, just shut up. Stop making excuses for your lack of awesomeness, and do something about it. As mentioned before, we all blame others for our situations. Stop talking about it and do something about it. Have you ever listened rapaciously to a story told by someone else about how hard their life is, and how much effort it takes them to be incompetent? Didn’t it make you want to jab sharp things into soft parts of your body to simply escape and hear the sound of the ambulance instead of their whiny voices? You too!?! Sweet! So do you really think anyone else wants to hear your stories of limitation and why you can’t be awesome? Didn’t think so. Shut up.
Step 2: Do Something About It
This step is as easy as it sounds, yet it’s the step that holds so many people back. They will be inspired to do something after watching Vince Schlomo hock a Slap Chop like no ones business, or after reading a Tony Robbins book, but then get de-railed when it comes time to climb that freakin mountain. Change requires an input of energy, otherwise we all remain motionless. That’s a principle called entropy, derived from the laws of thermodynamics, and you know those are just pimped laws, baby!!
If you want to lose weight, how do you do that, exactly? Why eat less and work out more. Now that’s some rocket science!! Want to make more money? Then either change your job, do more of your job, or find a way to get some passive income through investments, sales, etc. Crazy!! Doesn’t that sound easy?? Now do something about it.
Step 3: Be Different
We already said how average people suck, and why you should never be like them. To be un-average, you will invariably have to be different. I have always believed that we are all someone elses’ weirdo, so try to be a little strange. Not in a creepy way or dysfunctional manner, or in a way that makes you get arrested, but in a way that gets the results you are looking for that others won’t be willing to do because it’s not “Average.” This might mean working harder, or longer, or better than the guy next to you, but we all know he’s average, and therefore sucks. Do you want to suck? Didn’t think so, so be different.
Step 4: Understand it will be difficult
It’s difficult to keep those damned average people out of the way and leave room for the superstars like you and me. No one has ever made a fortune by working 40 hour weeks, and no one has ever lost 100 pounds by working out 10 minutes a week. Change takes a butt load of dedication, determination, sweat, blood, tears, grease, and other nasty stuff most people don’t want to touch. You have to want to bathe in that daily to get the end results your looking for. You have to bust your ass like a dog chasing a rabbit to get there, but in the end, it’s just hard work. Hard work pays off, and contrary to popular belief, you should work hard, not just smart.
Step 5: Get Confident, Stupid!!!
One of my favorite lines from the departed Troy McClure from the Simpsons was “Hi I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from self-help videos like ‘Smoke yourself thin,’ and ‘Get confident, stupid!'” Love that!
Can’t get confident? Then you’re average, so get to the back of the line. Confidence will dictate whether you have the cajones to work towards your goal or give up because the going got tough. Open a copy of Forbes anytime and take a look at their lists of the wealthiest anything, and you will notice that every single one of those dudes are openly confident and downright cocky about their achievements. If you can’t promote yourself, your own single most important product, you can’t expect anyone else to want to do anything for you, so stepping out of your meek shell and into a world where you feel like you own the place can be the biggest difference maker.
To recap: Shut up, Do something about it, Be different, understand it will be different, and get confident, stupid!! If anyone was hurt by this, or feels this wouldn’t work for them because they have an excuse, please review point one again.

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