How to Survive the Gym in January

So for those who aren’t in the loop, I work in a commercial facility in Edmonton, Alberta Canada, and for anyone who has ever worked in a commercial facility or stepped foot inside one during the month of January, a little piece of your soul dies. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has decided to jump on the Resolution bandwagon and decide to get in shape within the first four weeks of the month.

I applaud the hell out of them.

The downside is that for the first 3-4 weeks of the year, it’s a veritable gong show to try to get anything physical accomplished without tripping over 50 people trying to do biceps curls in the squat rack, or leaving bosu landmines all over the floor, or performing their own Occupy Movement on the cardio machines for the next five hours. Sure, it beats riding the couch, but my clients need to bust out some hard lactic capacity intervals or they’re going to chew your arm off!! Seriously, I have some clients that may actually do that. They know who they are, and everyone else in the gym does too.

Call me crazy, but I kind of like the gym when it’s busy, but at more of a manageable busy than an insane Japanese subway kind of busy. That being said, part of any trainers repertoire is the ability to roll with the punches and make up stuff shift focus on the fly. Incline bench is taken by Ed Hardy wearing mofo’s? Looks like we’re doing decline pushups today! Treadmills are all full?? Bust out the sled, baby! Group of people busting out side raises with the kettlebells? Please just shoot me in the eye rather than make me watch that.

So that being said, I’m going to give everyone out there a handy bo-dandy survival guide to getting through the January Resolution crush without wanting to choke slam someone at the water fountain. These won’t be numbered, because they’re all going to be important when you need them the most, not necessarily in a specific order or anything like that.

Free Weights. Always Free Weights

There are typically a limited number of machines in any gym that can be used to accomplish a specific goal, and at least a dozen or two different exercises that can do the same for you with the assistance of free weights. If you’re trying to get your adductor work on by using that inner outer thigh machine, you’d better either be a hot chick or hilarious, because you’ll get a few dozen death stares from everyone in the gym as you grunt out your sets, especially since you have a rip in a precarious position in your Nike Vinyl track pants there, chief. Feel that breeze? That’s the feel of shame.

Even when there’s every piece of plate loaded or selectorized machines being used, there are almost always a free barbell, set of dumbells, kettlebells, or other fun bits of equipment available to be used, and will be more than happy to lay a holy whuppin on you at a moments notice. Feel free to return the favor and give the weights a little intimidation.

Bring a Water Bottle That’s Already Full of Water

There’s nothing worse than seeing a lineup 10 people deep as everyone tries to fill their water bottle from the one water fountain in the gym. A moment of preparation can save you from a couple awkward moments. Especially when that one chatty guy who likes to stare a little too long comes up to strike up a random conversation, knowing he has you hostage for a few seconds, and won’t let you go after you’re done. If that happens, just tell me to get the hell away from you, and I’ll usually go lay down somewhere and chew on a protein bar.

Avoid Peak Times

For the love of all that’s holy, avoid peak times. The most common peak times across the universe are 5-7pm, so if you can work out in the morning, do it. If you have some flexibility in your day, try to hit it up anywhere from 8am – 2pm, as this is the time of day where you only tend to find trainers working out in most commercial facilities.

If you can’t avoid peak hours, try to make your workout time efficient and get the hell out of there while you still have some semblance of sanity. Keep your workouts relatively short and intense. Who knows? You may actually see better results than if you were to spend countless hours riding the elliptical while watching the newest season of whateverthehell is popular with the kids these days.

Don’t Bring Your Bag on the Floor

There’s enough people and stuff in the way and it’s pretty easy to trip over everyone’s gear that isn’t stashed in the locker room. Plus, no one wants to see your old Gold’s Gym bag from 1982, or your fancy schmancy Lulu Lemon bag. Put it away.

Don’t Let Me Catch You with a Jillian Michaels or Tracy Anderson Anything

There will be blood. I may point at you and make this face:

Quit Complaining About How Busy It Is

Everyone knows it, and everyone’s trying to put it out of their minds. We don’t need someone saying “Boy, it sure is crowded today. Must be the New Year’s Resolution time!” Yes. Yes it is. Just sit down, shut up, and we’ll all make it through this together.

As a closing note, today is Lindsay’s birthday, so drop her a comment below, and if I can get 50 comments I’m going to give some of her stuff away give away a $50 Amazon gift card in her honor.