It’s January, which means everyone will be busting their butt in the gym trying to get their fit on. The downside is most of these people will only wish they could get the results you’re going to get after you start using my new system:

BULLET PROOF ABS of STEEL^TM

That’s right folks, now you too can have abdominal muscles that can stop ballistics from small arms, even an AK-47 is no match for your abdominal fascial sheath. Hollow tip bullets cringe in terror at the thought of trying to penetrate your rock hard wall of steel since it’s bulletproof.

“I wish I’d used this system. Many of my teammates have and they haven’t shot themselves in the thigh.” – Plaxico Burress

All the best things are bullet proof: coffee, execs, La Roux, vests, vehicles, fruit, all of the best things in life. Additionally, the best bulletproof things are made of steel: Superman, Our Lady Peace, Crossfit, Detroit muscle cars, ‘Murica. Hell YEAH!!!

For this very reason, the best abs are not only bulletproof, but bulletproof and made of steel. You can’t argue with that, it’s just completely legit.

Many systems claim to be able to stop small firearms, but this is the only program that has a 5 step process to help you stop small firearms with your abs. Let’s outline the 5 steps of BulletProof Abs Of Steel, shall we?

Step 1: All Other Ab Exercises Are Useless, Except Mine

This is completely serious. Every exercise you’ve ever seen done before is completely ineffective. The only ab exercises that can guarantee you the results you want are the ones shown within this program. Here’s a short sample of what’s in store for you.

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This exercise uses my patented method of dynamic static oscillating undulating sciencing neural impressive slow burn quick draw muscle contractions. In it we fire up not just your type I muscle fibers, not just your type II muscle fibers, but the hidden deeper type III muscle fibers that no other program has ever achieved, and do this to 172.4% of your previous max contractile capability. It’s such an extreme program, it completely defies all previously known exercise physiology concepts.

Step 2: 14 Easy to Follow Workouts Each Week

Volume is the secret to seeing success. Not only will the workouts be a completely convenient 90 minutes each, but you’ll have to do 2 of them, back to back. That’s 180 minutes of working out, and it’s no coincidence that 180 is also the number of degrees in a half circle, which turns you right around, and this program will completely turn your life around for the better. These 180 minutes a day of ab exercises will fit into your daily lifestyle so easily and seamlessly that you’ll be surprised what you ever did with those 3 hours preiously.

Step 3: The 5B Diet: Butter, Bacon, Beef, Beans, Bourbon

This is crucial. Abs are made in the kitchen. They’re built in the gym, which is different from made, and they’re revealed and constructed in the kitchen. The 5B Diet is composed of only foods that start with B in English, which is exactly how the cavemen ate, and they all lived awesome long lives completely devoid of disease and body fat.

The first B is for Butter. Put that on and in everything. Our fear of saturated fats is completely backwards, and a wad of congealed cow fat is the perfect dietary aid to help you see abs like never before. It’s also common knowledge that the biggest, strongest and most Bulletproof Abs of Steel are made almost entirely of butter.

The second B is for Bacon. What ever you eat, wrap it in bacon. Better yet, eat nothing but bacon, and slather it with butter. You’re so far ahead you’re lapping everyone else.

The third B is for beef, simply because it starts with a B and sounds manly.

The fourth B is for Beans, specifically coffee beans. Wrap those in bacon and slather them with butter for a quick pick me up.A bag of coffee beans wrapped in bacon and awashed with butter per day is the optimal combination of awesomeness and excellence without compromising your health or abdominal definition. It’s so perfect it’s beyond discussion.

The fifth B is for Bourbon. Fermented foods are very popular, which means we need to have something fermented in the diet to make it popular. Bourbon is an alcohol and starts with a B so it’s scientific and fits into the program.

The crux of the diet is to eat as much of these food groups as possible, as everything else is toxic. Everything. Even vegetables. Ever notice how many times vegetables are on the news being recalled for E. coli? No one ever lived while eating vegetables, and no one was ever ripped to shredd while eating things like bread, glutens, GMOs, water, or Zimas. It’s totally unrealistic to eat food and expect to live a long healthy lean bulletproof life.

BONUS!! THE ONE THING YOU NEED TO FIX YOUR PROBLEMS!!

Do you ever wake up tired? Go to bed at night? Have you ever walked, run, jumped, lifted a weight, thought about something, met someone, or done something? Are you ever alone? Are you ever in a crowd? Do you ever feel lonely, happy, mad or sad? You might have hidden toxins!! Don’t ask me what they are, but I’m sure the bonus e-book I’ll include with this product will show you how to fix all your issues and lead a life you wish you had, just like me.

Step 4: Repeat Steps 1 through 3

Seriously, do them all again. It takes repeated applications to see awesome abs of bulletproof steel.

The BULLET PROOF ABS OF STEEL program is composed of 10 simple core exercises that no one has ever done or heard of before, but they’re all completely scientifically proven with research I would be glad to show you if you want. This is science not available through common universities or PubMed, but only through my own personal research, which involves having abs of bulletproof steel myself.

The Bullet Proof Abs of Steel program is worth it in it’s own, but learning how to solve all of your problems with my one thing that’s going to get rid of all your life altering toxins is worth it’s weight in gold. GOLD, JERRY!!

You can get all of this for the low low price of 17 weekly installments of $199 before the final balloon payment.

Step 5: Take Pictures of Your Awesome Abs

Do you like Photoshop? So do I. Heck, who doesn’t like it these days? It makes average people look awesome and celebrities look unattainable. I’ll show you personally in a 8 minute Skype call how to use Photoshop to get all of your new ab selfies to be the most absolutely perfect pictures possible. Because who needs an Instagram filter when you can airbrush stuff out of your bathroom mirror selfie?

This Skype call will be with one of my well trained assistants from Bangladesh. Make sure you call between the hours of 10pm and 4 am, est when they’re at work.

Are you ready to make your abs the most Bulletproof and Steel-y abs possible? Then sign up now and don’t read the fine print.