How to Get Kicked Out of a Women's Only Gym

I’m currently killing some time before I start teaching a “Back School” course at Spa Lady in Calgary, which is a women’s only facility that I’ve for obvious reasons never been inside. I have to say it’s a pretty nice facility, but being the only XY in the room I’m definitely getting a few stares of death, and probably some inappropriate thoughts cascaded towards me from the general members.

I contemplated throwing down a few sets of deadlifts this morning to see what they would do, but I figured there would be other ways to make a spectacle of myself in this women’s only facility and possibly get the cops called on me, so I wanted to include them here.

1. Be shirtless at all times.

2. Suggest a game of pick-up basketball, shirts and skins.

3. Ask them where the change rooms are and if they have any urinals available

4. Sing the lyrics to any Ice Cube song, loudly.

5. Find any female working out in the gym, get somewhat inappropriately close and commence hamstring stretching on any machine within leg length while holding eye contact.

6. Drop weights. Chicks seem to hate that shit.

7. Ask where they keep the pink dumbells and giggle my ass off.

8. Re-arrange equipment to make a cute semi circle for my own circuits that completely blocks entrance to the change room, then run between machines at the appropriate time to get in the way of anyone trying to get to changerooms.

9. This:

10. Cut high-protein pooters with a raised leg while proclaiming each time “OH GOD THAT’S SO MUCH BETTER!!” Follow up with intense scratching and re-adjusting in open public spaces.

Okay it’s a quick one today, but I gotta get the lead out and start teaching this course. Have a great weekend!!!